They Say The Best Things In Life Are Free…

And since we are in a recession…And This Is My America has brought you…

The Top 5 Free Things Of All Time

#5 – The water in the waiting room of any major establishment

I mean lets be real…in 2008 this is one of the last perks standing…This shit has been a guarantee since the 1800’s…its a standard…I gotta pay that co-payment or fee? Well, the least you could do is provide me with a free beverage to wet my pallet while I swallow that bill…Doctors office right down to the Planned Parenthood waiting room…your getting fucked either way…

#4 – The Real Estate brochures on the way out of your local grocery store

These handy pieces of shit are always great for killing flies…picking up dog shit…. breaking up weed in a car…and of course for their actual purpose…if your looking for a house or apartment in the neighborhood of the grocery store you are in…

#3 – The mints on the way out of a diner or restaurant 

I take advantage of this all the time…I’m not taking mints for just that one meal that I actually paid for…I’m stashing shit man…I’m taking like 2 for me…one for my girl…5 for next week…and 3 for the jacket or jeans I am wearing at the moment…so next time I go to the bar I can reach in on the way out and be like “Boom, now I don’t smell like a complete degenerate…”

…Yes I’m that guy…

#2 – Any type of “open bar” 

It’s one thing to get some free water while you wait for the doctor, but its another thing to get top shelf liquor just because your shithead friend decided to get married…this shit is the besttttt!!!! Especially when it’s a company event for a job you hate…wow…talk about taking advantage…

#1 – Sex!!!

This one is a toss up…Simply because I will get a lot of haters saying “I pay for sex allll the time…”

Well…

That’s on you loser…

For the rest of us pretty motherfuckers…the shits free…

And I mean sure you may have to wine and dine your prospect…or keep in tune with the latest fashion or get a fresh haircut…but if it’s that or paying for some hookers…Bloomingdales and Lemon Tree it is mo’fucker!!!

P.S. This one goes out to my boy Neil over at 1000awesomethings.com…I know I can’t crank out a 1000 awesome things like you guys…but 5 is good enough for a bitter stoner!!!!

Logical

D.Smith

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Published in: on October 17, 2008 at 11:02 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. This is one of the funniest and truest blogs I have surfed across on wordpress. Can’t wait to read more!

  2. I agree. Mad props, Logical. Keep on Logicaling! – Neil


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