Christmas Eve-Eve


As I sit here at my job, shovelin’ coal and chewin’ skoal, I’m reminded of the carefree days when Christmas was pure.  When Christmas was about 3 things:

  • Tearing open presents without gratitude, restraint or care.  “Who’s this from?” “Fuck it, just open the fucker and move on!”  “You’re right! Fuck do I care?!” “Woooooo!” “CHRISTMAS!!”
  • Weeding out the boxes we knew didn’t contain anything related to toys.  Every child knows to dread those rectangular boxes, you lift them up and basically toss them into the air because all they contain is tissue paper and an article of clothing.  TOO LITE TO BE FUN.
  • Greedily tearing open cards and pocketing that sweet cash from Grandma.

Anything else was simply an unnecessary distraction.  Food, lining up to take pictures, all that gayness that took away from precious gift opening time.  I can’t speak for everyone out there, but I for one, no matter how slowly I opened my presents, was always the first person done. Which left me feeling alone and empty as everyone else wallowed in their joy.  I hated those filthy bastards for seemingly reaping more rewards than I!  But I digress.

The Sad Truth:

At this age, I’m too damn old for toys that don’t either cost hundreds of dollars, play pornography or go really really fast on the open road.  I’m too damn old to still receive money from any of my extended family.  And dare I say it, I actually enjoy recieving clothes, eeeeek!  If the past ME could see Me now, he’d drop a steamy shit right into his busterbrowns in pure disgust.

Enjoy Christmas Lads!  It never gets any better than when you’re younger!

Happy Holidays!

– Mike James

Published in: on December 23, 2008 at 2:33 pm  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. You shoulda made this article longer. It was excellent writing but left me wanting more. Mind if I edit the crap out of it? =)

  2. lol! you described everything PERFECTLY! hahah I can relate.

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