“Say It Ain’t So A-Rod” – The Quote No One Said Because No One Would Be Stupid Enough To Believe He Didn’t Juice Up

When is the world going to wake up and realize that these steroids are making the game better, not worse!

1. A-Rod
2. Barry Bonds
3. DoucheBag Conseco
4. Roger Clemens

What do all these people have in common?  If you said ‘steroid use’ you’re wrong.  If you said they’re all a bunch of crybabies, well you’d be right, but that’s still not what I meant.  The correct answer is this: They all belted a shitload of home runs and turned the otherwise painfully boring game of baseball into a thrill a minute!  

I, for one, am all for injecting these big galoots with every chemical substance known to mankind.  If I heard a rumor that pigeon shit mixed with antifreeze could give an otherwise talentless person the ability to knock a baseball a quarter mile, then by god, some talentless person better show me an ass cheek and a huge syringe!

——————————–SPECIAL BULLETIN!———————————

I no longer give a flying shit about steroids, Major League Baseball or any of my loved ones!   Someone has just made my fucking day and sent me a sneak peak at the new Tarantino movie coming out.  So I’ll be changing subject matter to that. 

Here’s the video:

Cue me, ejaculating into my khakis pants and using my Jamba Juice apron to wipe it off.

I wish there was a banned performance enhancing drug that could allow me to create masterful cinematic experiences the likes of Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction.  Goddammit!  I’m one jealous Jamba Juice slinging motherfucker.

And now I will go back to sobbing quietly into my Mango Metabolizer.

– Mike James
“And I want my Nazi scalps”