Recession = Prosperous Times for Street Meat

Well it’s no surprise that things just straight up fucking suck right now.  I, for one, don’t have a shit in the way of “a plan”.  Me and the other Deadbeat Dads of America are desperately scrambling to find ways to get by.  Retirement plans are for people with “careers” and “dreams”.  Stock Options?  Sick Leave?  Benefits?  To people like me “benefits” are things that only come with good female friends and lots of hooch.  The unfortunate reality for most of us is a lifetime of meaningless toil, capped off with grim death and frosted with a pottersville burial.

This is my 401K:

dscf2760

It’s not very responsible, and it sure as shit isn’t very smart, but at the moment it’s all the hope I have in the world of living a life of leisure.

Anyways, enough about my financial problems.  I doubt the three assholes who read this blog regularly, logged on to stare at physical proof of my financial ruin and failure as a man.  

Back to the issue at hand.  EATing strEAT mEAT in the hEAT

23rd and Park

23rd and Park

26th and Park

26th and Park

28th and Park

28th and Park

Offering such fine cuisine as:

Quite Frankly It's HAM

Quite Frankly, It's HAM

These conveyances represent about a fifth of the food wagons, sandwiched within a 10 block stretch of road, near my office each and every day.  They get out there at the asscrack of dawn selling egg sandwiches, bagels, coffee, muffins and donuts to the working stiffs of Park Avenue South.  By the early afternoon they seamlessly transition over to hamburgers, gyros, tacos, halal, fried chicken, etc.

Sure there’s no seats, no bathrooms, no metal utensils, hell the fucking food is sub-par at best, but it’s CHEAP.  And these days CHEAP is the name of the game Jane.  Long past are the days of Madison Avenue offices emptying out to the nearest eatery for midday martinis, steak tartares and oysters on the half shell.  Sadly, that’s all over….  Now we walk 12 feet from the building, buy a 3 dollar burrito and turn our horribly depressed asses around and walk right the fuck back in again.  Lunch never tastes as good as when you’re eating at your desk, I can sarcastically tell you that much my friends.

Personally I don’t much go in for the street food.  Sure I’ll have the occasional “dirty water” hotdog, which will usually result in crippling diarrhea and/or a tape worm longer than the Tehachapi Loop.  But either way I’m burning calories and that’s alright by me.

– Mike James

tehachapi-and-santa-fe-freight-1

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Published in: on February 27, 2009 at 10:48 pm  Comments (5)  
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5 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m pretty sure if even a couple of those tickets win a dollar you’re doing better than my 401K.

  2. Your pension plan looks eerily similar to mine.

    I have a hideous weakness for street vendor food. It’s insane, because I think that I may have gotten Hepatitis A (the food poisoning one, not the STD) from a bad batch of street meat when I was in Korea.

  3. I haven’t seen an original tapeworm reference done in context in some time. Congrats and thank you! The photo really hit home, as it were.

  4. Pack a sack lunch, PJ never hurt anybody.

  5. Hahah, thanks. I love the train picture too. I’d like to work it onto a tshirt.


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