Shoe-Cam Peeping Tom? – The Story Of How One Sleazy Man With A Boot And A Digital Camera Got Caught…

There Really Is No Way You Cant Feel Like A Scumbag Doing This...

Of All The Scumbag Things To Do...

According to the Neptune Beach police, Jeffery Polizzi went into Aqua East on Atlantic Boulevard last Monday, stood next to the dressing room and put his shoe under the door.

This dude is just a loser.

I have never claimed to be the most upright, moral citizen.

But using a homemade shoe-cam to try and take pics of women in the dressing room of a surf shop?

That’s just oh so low…

If you go here, there is actually a video on that breaks down not only how his dumb ass got caught, but how he lead the cops on a little bit of a chase before eventually being captured.

You see, this is what I mean when I talk about a general breakdown in character across all of mankind…

In the old days, you would be satisfied with being a peeping tom and seeing what you saw and going home and beating off to all your little sick and twisted fantasies about girls you just wrongfully watched get nude.

But now? That’s just not enough.

This motherfucker wants to take digital pictures of the shit.

I mean how greedy can you get?

It’s bad enough you’re hovering over this chick’s dressing room (because that doesn’t look obvious), but now you got your foot WITH a camera in it, stuck under the curtain, snapping pictures and shit.

Talk about gettin’ caught with your pants down…

Now this poor sack of shit is going to jail for Voyeurism.

Terrible thing to have to go to jail for.

If I’m going to jail, I better have attempted to smuggle drugs or steal a shit load of cash, not looking at pussy through a curtain…

Now, I’m not 100% sure if it’s in all, but I know in a lot of states this is considered to be a felony.

Devonte shakes his head

Damn, I would love to be a fly on the wall on his first job interview after being released.



Published in: on March 17, 2009 at 9:51 am  Comments (2)  
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Hurry The Fuck Up Spring!

The one thing I hate about living in NYC is that you spend 9 months out of the year waiting for 3…

Now I am sure there are plenty other geographical locations that have worst weather than New York, but I don’t know, this whole seasons thing is getting old.

I think I would prefer 2 seasons…

Warm and Hot!

That way, your pretty much covered year round as far as what you are wearing.

Now I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but why did my side have to get all the cold weather?

Like California’s side just sounds like that motherfucker may really be that much greener!

And what happened to global warming?

This winter was cold as hell, I thought we were supposed to be melting and shit

Exaggerating motherfuckers…

Not that I want that shit to happen, but its like the scapegoat of the moment.

Anyway, I just wanted to take a time out to say that Devonte is pretty fucking happy these days.

And this is with less money in my pockets.

But without having to deal with the daily grind of an office job, I have been able to look at the glass half full.

I know your used to hearing my pessimistic bullshit, but what can I say, I’m in a good mood today…



Published in: on March 17, 2009 at 9:07 am  Leave a Comment  
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This Is When Reality Bites – The Recession Forces Families Into Living Out Of Motels

How Bad Can It Get?

How Bad Can It Get?

It’s not often I take a break and put on my serious cap, but I read this and it just broke my heart.

This is the type of stuff that is really going on out there.

It’s one thing to not be able to buy as many drinks at the bar, or a shirt, or go on vacation…

All of which are luxuries.

But being forced to move your whole family into a motel?

No way to spin that positively at all…

So I’m going to use this moment to put aside the fact that I don’t have a job right now, and instead, be thankful that I still have a roof over my head and food on the table for the time being.

…Not to mention a lot of time and access to internet porn on my hands!



Published in: on March 11, 2009 at 1:55 pm  Comments (5)  
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This Whole Rhianna/Chris Brown Situation Is Enough To Drive a Man Swayze!

You Shoulda Treated Me Right

You Shoulda Treated Me Right

That's The Way Love Is

That's The Way Love Is

And now Rhianna and Chris Brown join the illustious group.

Pon De Replay in Court

Pon De Replay In Court

Piece and Chicken Grease

Piece and Chicken Grease

In reviewing some of our country’s previous “high profile” domestic violence cases of the past thirty or so years, I’ve discovered a shocking similarity.  Please take a moment and carefully inspect the images above.  What stands out?  What seems to be the common denominator in all of these pictures?  It’s not that hard, after all you’d have to be blind not to notice each one of these people share the same unmistakable trait.  Just look!  You can’t miss it, there’s no question about it, each and every person in these photographs is…………………………………………………………. A MUSICIAN!

Now, I’m not musician, I grew up on Long Island where, in certain areas, they are very distrustful of musicians.  I wasn’t even allowed to date a musician, to do so would have literally caused my Italian grandma to die of shock.  A musician once stole my Uncle Petey’s car as a matter of fact, but that’s neither here nor there.  The point is these musicians need to get their acts together!

Rhianna is an unbelievable ‘knock out’, no pun intended, and to lay a hand on that face is nothing short of a travesty.  Chris Brown on the other hand is a loser, and he’s ugly, and he’s a man.  To beat him bloody wouldn’t be any great loss to society.  I’ve heard rumors that Rhianna supposedly punched him a few times in anger, to that I say BIG FUCKING DEAL!  Rhianna could pummel me into the ground until I was dependent on a colostomy bag to catch the falling stool from my crippled body, I wouldn’t care!  So long as at the end of the day she sponges me off, sexes me up and poses for photographs so everyone knows what I got waiting at home.

Oh Rhianna when are you gonna learn?  Another musician isn’t the answer you seek, it’s ME, Mike James!

See, I Can Fit It!

See, I Can Fit It!

– Mike James

On a side note: Megan Fox and What’s His Face from Domino are NOT musicians so they should be ok.  Horrible actors yes, musicians no.



He May Be A Scumbag, But Spitzer Is a Real Dude…

The Face Of A Wild Man...

The Face Of A Wild Man...

Most people will read this and be all weird and high all mighty about it.

I read it and liked him more than I did before reading it.

I mean lets really break this down

So Eliot Spitzer likes rough sex…

Don’t we all?

And at $1000 an hour, I would be no hold barred as well (no pun intended)

So just because you sign a gubernatorial oath, you cant be a freak?

Fuck that…

First of all, lets not get into the wild sex I would be having in the White House if I was Obama.

Handcuffing Michelle with White House drapes and shit…

Yall don’t even know the type of outlandish shit that goes through young Devonte’s brain.

Well, maybe now you do…

…Eliot Spitzer for Reelection!



Published in: on March 9, 2009 at 3:14 pm  Comments (11)  
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The 80% Rule – This May Save Your Life, As Well As Your Relationship…

At BEST 80%...

At BEST 80%...

I just had an interesting conversation with my girlfriend before she left for work.  For a while now, me and my super agent/lawyer Sean Warbucks have referred to something we like to call the 80% Rule.  You see the average person goes through life with false hope and unrealistic expectations.  I know I surely have been a victim of this at one point or another in my life.  But I truly believe that with a little patience and soul searching (and of course marijuana) the 80% Rule and the 1-3% rule (more on that later) have saved my life.

For starters, let me explain the 80% Rule.  According to the 80% Rule, no matter who that person is, their significant other, at best, will be able to satisfy them 80% of the time.

That’s it

Pretty simple rule right?

But let’s analyze just how much this can affect life on a day to day basis.  For instance, most single people have this view in their head that there is this perfect person out there specifically for them…

Not true

For the sake of this lesson, I am going to ask all the men and women out there to think of either their current significant other or their last significant other. Got it? Ok, lets go. Now that you have that person in your head think about all the things you love/loved about that person and all the things you hate/hated about that person. Got it? Ok, now I can guarantee you that at MOST the love/loved pile is 80% of the entire list.

Basically, the chance of a relationship actually working between two people hinges on how much you two motherfuckers are willing to give and take.  That’s the name of the game.  You giveth and you taketh. Give a lot, take a little…

Whats interesting is when I started to explain this theory to my girlfriend, her response was “Wow”.  But I think by the end of the discussion, she understood where I was coming from. I don’t look at this as a negative thing.  Just the opposite, being aware of this rule has allowed me to cut my losses and live my life the best I can.  Like when I get into an argument with my girl, a good 7 out of 10 times, I just back off and let her win.  Why?  Because most times when people argue, it is in vain.  You’re arguing for something that’s either trivial, not going to happen, or not going to change.  So why bother?

80% folks. By lowering the bar a mere 20%, my quality of life is just that much better. I think about the 18 year old Devonte. The one who really thought there was a woman out there who was going to do everything perfectly the way I envisioned it in my head. Couldn’t be further from the truth ladies and gentleman. And this is coming from a guy who has a great girl.  But it is this rule right here folks that has allowed me to fully maximize my appreciation for this woman, as well as the entire female species.

However, just because 80 is the max, doesn’t mean you’re going to get that shit.  So take this with a grain of salt and let’s not forget it is the 80% Rule not the 80% Guarantee. Because I know I have been in a few 65 and 72% relationships. Remember, 80%, at best

So I urge you guys out there to take note and start to think of just 80% of the enchilada, and not the whole thing. Because quite frankly, you’re not gonna fucking get it.

I am going to come back to this and expand on it, as well as the 1-3% Rule. If just one person out there can relate to this, I’ll know I have truly made a difference.



Published in: on March 5, 2009 at 10:55 am  Comments (12)  
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Recession = Prosperous Times for Street Meat

Well it’s no surprise that things just straight up fucking suck right now.  I, for one, don’t have a shit in the way of “a plan”.  Me and the other Deadbeat Dads of America are desperately scrambling to find ways to get by.  Retirement plans are for people with “careers” and “dreams”.  Stock Options?  Sick Leave?  Benefits?  To people like me “benefits” are things that only come with good female friends and lots of hooch.  The unfortunate reality for most of us is a lifetime of meaningless toil, capped off with grim death and frosted with a pottersville burial.

This is my 401K:


It’s not very responsible, and it sure as shit isn’t very smart, but at the moment it’s all the hope I have in the world of living a life of leisure.

Anyways, enough about my financial problems.  I doubt the three assholes who read this blog regularly, logged on to stare at physical proof of my financial ruin and failure as a man.  

Back to the issue at hand.  EATing strEAT mEAT in the hEAT

23rd and Park

23rd and Park

26th and Park

26th and Park

28th and Park

28th and Park

Offering such fine cuisine as:

Quite Frankly It's HAM

Quite Frankly, It's HAM

These conveyances represent about a fifth of the food wagons, sandwiched within a 10 block stretch of road, near my office each and every day.  They get out there at the asscrack of dawn selling egg sandwiches, bagels, coffee, muffins and donuts to the working stiffs of Park Avenue South.  By the early afternoon they seamlessly transition over to hamburgers, gyros, tacos, halal, fried chicken, etc.

Sure there’s no seats, no bathrooms, no metal utensils, hell the fucking food is sub-par at best, but it’s CHEAP.  And these days CHEAP is the name of the game Jane.  Long past are the days of Madison Avenue offices emptying out to the nearest eatery for midday martinis, steak tartares and oysters on the half shell.  Sadly, that’s all over….  Now we walk 12 feet from the building, buy a 3 dollar burrito and turn our horribly depressed asses around and walk right the fuck back in again.  Lunch never tastes as good as when you’re eating at your desk, I can sarcastically tell you that much my friends.

Personally I don’t much go in for the street food.  Sure I’ll have the occasional “dirty water” hotdog, which will usually result in crippling diarrhea and/or a tape worm longer than the Tehachapi Loop.  But either way I’m burning calories and that’s alright by me.

– Mike James


Published in: on February 27, 2009 at 10:48 pm  Comments (5)  
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Damn, Give A Motherfucker Some Privacy!

Trifilin Bitch!

Trifillin' Bitch!


One question, why would you do this?

I would like to think that in the event I did do some weird shit to my penis and had to get it checked out at the emergency room, that a picture of my temporarily problematic unit wouldn’t end up on the nurse’s Facebook page…

But I guess that’s just to much to ask for these days, now isn’t it?

These 2 nurses I am referring to from the above article, were fired for taking a picture of a patient who got a sex toy stuck in his rectum, and then putting the pic on Facebook…

Talk about some scandalous shit!

This is the type of shit that signifies a general decline in character.

Once upon a time, certain things were private.

You just wouldn’t do it because you were raised better.

You wouldn’t want to take the chance that if you did get caught your poor mother would turn on the TV and see that her son got fired for taking a picture of a trapped dildo and putting it on the internet…

But nowadays, that shit doesn’t even cross ones mind.

Sad shit man…

Where’s the scruples?

Where’s the class?

All for a few shits and giggles on Facebook…

As Mr. Bomer said, only in America…only in America…



Published in: on February 26, 2009 at 7:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Close But No Cigar…While Opportunistic in Theory, These Female Bank Robbers Turn Out To Be…Well, Just Dumb…

Who Would Have Thought - Outlaws!

Smith told CNN she was going through a bad divorce and that robbing a bank “made me feel like I was in control again.” She is one of a growing number of female bank robbers, a crime normally committed by men.


Very Thelma & Louise-esque

I’ll tell you what though, these chicks are smart…well not that smart, because they got caught

But, they had the right idea

Look at them

They look like two college chicks

They could pass for the Bush daughters

I’m sure the security guard didn’t even bat an eye when they walked in

Now replace them with me…

Black (I mean do I really need to even go further), fitted hat on low, an oversized hoodie, jeans…

…and I’m not even going to rob the bank, I’m just going to make a deposit!,

But rest assured, they would be alert and ready for my ass!

That’s why I’m like good!

I’m glad they got caught

They were about to swindle their way into a free $10,000 pay day

Simply because they are unsuspecting?

That shit would never happen to me!

If I did manage to get my hands on 10 thousand illegal dollars, I can guarantee I would have had to fight, shoot, and stab to get it!

None of this, walk in and slide a note to a nervous teller bullshit, like its the beginning of a Schwarzenegger flick

Back to reality ladies…

She went on wild spending spree, going through most of the money before her arrest several days later. She said she would never again rob a bank, because her arrest and incarceration nearly destroyed her parents and two kids. But Smith admitted that the thrill was addictive. “I loved the danger in it. I wanted to get more money. I wanted to keep doing it. That’s how it really felt — an adrenaline rush. Perfect.”

I must say, I love the “I wanted to get more money” part.

Talk about a simple, honest statement…



Published in: on February 21, 2009 at 11:55 am  Comments (1)  
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Just When You Thought YOU Were Talented…

…Turns out you aint shit!

This 6 yr old Madin Mohammed makes me feel like quite the degenerate

Already being scouted by Soccer powerhouses Real Madrid and Chelsea, this kid is destined to be a millionaire by 16!!!

…all off of pure talent

God bless him, cause the only talents we here at And This Is My America possess, are ones we can’t really mention here…

So listen up Madin, you have your people talk to our people, and we can turn you into an American phenomenon

Sorry A-Rod, out with the old, in with the new!!!

Lets just hope in Algeria they don’t start juicing their kids in kindergarten…



Published in: on February 19, 2009 at 5:06 am  Leave a Comment  
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