“I am broke…hungover…and I just realized that I have 4 midterms for classes that I haven’t even bought the books for…fuck it…I’ll just get drunk with my new buddies and worry about it tomorrow…”
This is the exact thought pattern of our buddy The College Freshman at around 6 or 7 pm on a Saturday in October…
Shit has officially hit the fan…
Orientation seems like it was years ago…
And so does the last time you did laundry…considering your dorm room smells no greater than the crack of a plumber’s ass (No…not Joe The Plumber)….
You think you may have an STD (that or your new boxers are really itchy)…
And to top it all off…
You wake up and find your self looking like this…
Passed out…
Smeared with shaving cream…
A collection of cigarette butts on your head…
And a banana at your lips as if your about to deep throat that shit…
Rock…fucking…bottom…
Not even we let shit get this bad during our tenure as college students…
What is truly remarkable (gosh I’m just full of cute little McCain camp catch phrases today huh?…say it ain’t so!)…is this sad sack of shit will probably experience this sort of abuse again…
If your the type of motherfucker who passes out that hard…to the point where loud drunk assholes could smear your entire head with shaving cream and decorate that shit with cigarette butts without you waking up…
Not so sure how bad I feel for you buddy…
I will however offer a tiny piece of advice…there are only 2 options you have for payback when something of this nature is done to you:
a) Immediately fuck one (or all) of the loser’s girlfriends that did this to you…and tape it! – You never know when this idiot will try to bring that shit up a few weeks down the line…that’s when you bust out your iPod like…”If you think that was funny…check this out!!!”
b) Find the person who did this to you and just pee all over their dorm room and/or car…
Choose wisely my friend…choose wisely…
Logical
D.Smith
And This Is My America? 