Now It’s Personal…You Skipskap Scallywags!!!


The typical American that I am…

It’s allll fun and games when European and Scandanavian ships were getting hijacked by our once upon a time pirate friends from Somalia – but now?

Its personal…

I almost feel betrayed

I really felt like we were growing together – learning from one anothers way of life if you will

We shared art…culture…violence…

And this is how you motherfuckers repay me?

Firing eight shots at an American cruise ship!!!

There goes Black Sparrow you ungrateful sons of bitches…

I assure you this will be a messy divorce

How could it not be? I trusted these men and just like that it’s gone…

They are lucky it was just random shots into the night

Cause America isn’t going to play that hijack game – uh uh – not for one second

Try it…I bet you with the blink of an eye me and John McCain appear like Batman and Robin and show em whose really boss…


You guessed it…that move is going to be called Country First




Make It Rain On Em!!! – Somali Pirates Bank $150M In The Past Year…


Truly a stunning figure.

$150M in ransom money in the past year alone.

Whats interesting is up until the summer I didnt even know there was such a thing as a black pirate (I’m black so yes I’m allowed to say that shit) let alont a black Somali pirate!!!

Shit was news to me.

Initially when I read the above article I thought, “That’s it we are definitely making this movie and we are going to call that shit Black Sparrow…”

Then I thought, “Wait, hold up a minute, did that figure just say $150M????”

Like god damn, can you take a brother to the strip club?


I’m over here scouting out recession specials for happy hour later and these motherfuckers are sitting on $150M like they just signed a contract with the Yankees and shit…

Well i’ll tell you one thing, when we start shooting Black Sparrow, they are paying for ALLLL expenses!!!


P.S. Mike, I know your sick of this pirate shit, but a) its our future meal ticket and b) it was between this and Senator Mukasey collapsing yesterday and I dont know I thought anything I could possibly say about that would just leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth…



Published in: on November 21, 2008 at 12:09 pm  Comments (5)  
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Determination Of A Pirate – How A Band Of Somali Pirates Hijacked A Supertanker…

“It was attacked more than 450 nautical offshore of Mombasa. This means that the pirates are now operating in an area of over 1.1 million square miles. This is a measure of the determination of the pirates and … a measure of how lucrative piracy could become,” Campbell said.

I wont lie…

Before writing this piece, I had no fucking idea what a supertanker was…

I hear supertanker and I think “Yea that sounds like the type of place John McCain hangs out at!”

Where you going

Going down to the supertanker to think some shit through and oil my gun…”

Perhaps I’m exaggerating a bit

But the point is…I would think it would take a lot to steal just any ol’ tank…but a super one???

That just takes balls.

I wouldn’t try to hijack anything super.

Supercomputer, Supermodel, Super Bowl!!!!

Anyway you slice it, that prefix adds a level of fear…

Like “Ooooh…super!!!”

With that said, at this point these Somalian bastards are bona-fide living legends…

They can all die tommorow and they would be penciled in right next to Dylan Klebold and Timothy McVeigh in the unstated Top Ten Motherfuckers That Went Ape Shit list (Mikey…get on it)…

They deserve more than just one flimsy movie.

This is the stuff HBO mini-series’ are made of.

Think about it, what would you rather watch, Big Love, the story of a Mormon dude fucking multiple mediocre broads…

ORRRRR our badass, action packed Somali Pirate mini-series where you got hostages, explosions, people getting killed execution style, and much much more!!!

All you HBO/Showtime execs out there contact us…

Lets start a bidding war baby!!!!