Survey Says, “Fuck Internet Passwords”

It’s official, passwords are for pussies.  I can’t remember any of my passwords anymore, there’s simply too many.  Instead, I must go through the incredible pain in the ass of changing my username and password every time I need to log onto anything!

Here’s the shortlist of things I use, which ALL require both a username and a password.  For the sake of clarity I have broken them down into two catagories: Work and Home.

Work –  Signing into my computer, Signing into my work email,  half a dozen other programs that will make no sense to you, the commoner.

Home – gmail, ebay, half.com, myspace, facebook, Andthisismyamerica, imdb.com, hotmail, craigslist, Bank of America, Digg, Reddit, Pandora, and about 20 Adult websites that feature hardcore pornography that you needn’t concern yourselves with.

If you calculate all the passwords up it’s literally in the dozens.  And to make matters worse, these motherfuckers won’t even let you double up on passwords and usernames anymore.  WHY? Because the normal ones are too easy to hack.

My original password for my hotmail account was ” DrNo “, from the James Bond franchise.  But now you need a minimum of like 8 characters, plus a number, plus a fucking symbol!  My hotmail password went from ” DrNo ” to ” Skeet4Skeet-Zittle55*# ” do you have any idea how hard that is to remember?! I don’t even know what that little tic-tac-toe sign is called!

I propose we make with the universal retinal scanners so I don’t have to kill a bitch.

Simon says, "Bleed."

Mike James
8/03/09