“Say It Ain’t So A-Rod” – The Quote No One Said Because No One Would Be Stupid Enough To Believe He Didn’t Juice Up


When is the world going to wake up and realize that these steroids are making the game better, not worse!

1. A-Rod
2. Barry Bonds
3. DoucheBag Conseco
4. Roger Clemens

What do all these people have in common?  If you said ‘steroid use’ you’re wrong.  If you said they’re all a bunch of crybabies, well you’d be right, but that’s still not what I meant.  The correct answer is this: They all belted a shitload of home runs and turned the otherwise painfully boring game of baseball into a thrill a minute!  

I, for one, am all for injecting these big galoots with every chemical substance known to mankind.  If I heard a rumor that pigeon shit mixed with antifreeze could give an otherwise talentless person the ability to knock a baseball a quarter mile, then by god, some talentless person better show me an ass cheek and a huge syringe!

——————————–SPECIAL BULLETIN!———————————

I no longer give a flying shit about steroids, Major League Baseball or any of my loved ones!   Someone has just made my fucking day and sent me a sneak peak at the new Tarantino movie coming out.  So I’ll be changing subject matter to that. 

Here’s the video:

Cue me, ejaculating into my khakis pants and using my Jamba Juice apron to wipe it off.

I wish there was a banned performance enhancing drug that could allow me to create masterful cinematic experiences the likes of Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction.  Goddammit!  I’m one jealous Jamba Juice slinging motherfucker.

And now I will go back to sobbing quietly into my Mango Metabolizer.

– Mike James
“And I want my Nazi scalps”

Published in: on February 10, 2009 at 3:37 pm  Comments (2)  
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Not Even Getting Hosed Down Can Stop A Band Of Somalian Pirates…



I guess the party truly doesn’t stop for a Somalian Pirate…

Weeks ago, I would have told you they don’t even exist…

But now? I’m ready to give the 2008 Bad Motherfucker Award to these guys!!!

Yesterday…these Somali pirates got hosed down in an attempt to hijack 5 other ships

But the Turkish fleet, MV Yasa Neslihan, wasnt as successful and now they are under siege…

(Oooh, maybe our movie can be called Further Under Siege…original…I know)

As of now, there are no further details…

There has been no contact with the ship for the last 24 hours…

Which can only mean the worst for these poor Turkish bastards…

I’m really about ready to call Quentin Tarantino and let him know Mike James and I are sitting on a script of gold about these Pirates before someone beats us to the punch…

Our writing…Quentin’s blaxploitation-esque style…this shit could be a classic!!!




Published in: on October 30, 2008 at 11:27 am  Comments (4)  
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