They Say You Should Write What You Know

Which is probably why Candace Bushnell writes exclusively about being an overpaid, self-entitled crybaby whore.  This slag is the she-satan some of you misinformed fuckfaces look up to:

God only knows how much photoshopping this took

She wrote Sex & The City and most recently that horrible pile of shit known as “Lipstick Jungle“, here’s the basic premise; It’s about 3 women who are all super rich and have everything they could ever want……. everything but true happiness!  Because we all understand that unimaginable wealth, power and fame doesn’t always spell happiness.  I think it’s safe to say that’s something every single one of us can relate to.

I wrote my own premise for an episode of Lipstick Jungle, here it is:

NICO’S OPENING MONOLOGUE – “The other day I was standing inside Dolce & Gabbana and I was only moments away from swiping my American Express Centurion across the counter when I noticed the statuesque 20 year old stock boy who was eyeing me up and down like a dinner menu at the Algonquin Hotel.  I was elated to see that he looked past my varicose veins, and although I’m old enough to be his great aunt he still found me attractive.  Jump to three hours and 6 Shriptinis later and we were back in my ex-husband’s multimillion dollar Central Park West penthouse (which I won in the settlement) making passionate old lady love all over his mother’s antique chez lounge.  Afterwards, I called my equally as successful and slightly older friend to make lunch reservations at Masa and tell her that this boy is THE ONE, and the he loves me for ME and not my money.”  THE END.  That’s literally all that happens.  You can spend the next 58 minutes of your life smashing yourself in the crotch with a mason hammer.  That would be more enjoyable.

Here’s the reality, that world doesn’t exist.  It’s all BULLSHIT.  For example, I know a chick who last week literally sucked a stranger’s dick in exchange for as many drinks as she could guzzle between 11:20 PM and 3 AM.  It worked out to be about 48 bucks worth, (luckily the bartender cut me a break on the tab).  That’s closer to the everyday lives of women in New York City than Lipstick Bungle will ever be.

Here’s the “Plot” for Lipstick Jungle as described on Wikipedia.  I can honestly say, with the exception of the Knight Rider remake, this show is the biggest piece of shit on television right now.

NBC is really knocking them out of the park this year.

Have you driven a Ford lately?

– Mike James